As part of my mother’s big birthday celebration two years ago, we went to see Downton Abbey (the movie). The beloved TV series had ended. So, when I heard the opening theme music, I had tears in my eyes. It was like going home, being with the family (the Crawley’s) again.
I settled in, and of course, I wasn’t disappointed. The plot was a bit silly, but no one cared. After watching the series for what? 6 years? I’m a devoted fan! And the Crawley’s seemed to have it all together at last.
So now, what about you? Do you have it all together — at last?
When you look at your life today, how does it seem?
What About Her?
Most likely each of us has looked at another woman at some point in our lives and thought, “well, she’s got it all together.” Right?
But what does that mean?
Does having one’s life all together mean that person is living a life of abundance? A life of excitement? A life of romance or mystery?
Does it mean one’s home is spotless (and nothing is hidden under a bed)?
Does it mean one can find her keys?
Does it mean one is always on time?
Or, does it mean you can whip up a delicious dinner for unexpected company, while not getting flustered?
Maybe it means you’ve completed so many items on your bucket list that you find you need to come up with more.
I’ll leave it up to you to figure out what having it all together means to you.
The Quest for More
But because we’re human, at some point each of us is meant to struggle and balance responsibilities a bit in life. So, of course, we want more. In fact, every human being is on a quest for “more.” A quest to grow more, learn more, do more, have more and/or enjoy more.
Wanting more is the one element that each, and every, individual wants in life. Take the happiest, wealthiest, most successful, kindest, most generous person on the planet and that person will still be seeking more of something.
Naturally, there’s probably been an instance or more when you’ve compared yourself to another woman and found yourself lacking.
So then, it’s likely to assume you believe you don’t have all your sh*t together, but she does.
Well, okay, maybe you don’t have it all together. Then again, maybe things are still looking good.
Wait! Don’t answer that.
Appearances Don’t Matter When Getting It All Together At Last
You see it doesn’t matter how things look because that leads to more comparisons. What does matter is that you’re doing things that make you happy right now and for the foreseeable future.
Maybe you feel you screwed up earlier when you settled for low-paying jobs and now you don’t have the funds to renovate your kitchen like your neighbor has.
Or maybe you wanted to live a little in your earlier days but now you find you can’t jet to the Greek Islands like some of your friends, because during those early years you were hiking the Appalachian Trail and not working.
Or maybe you married young and had kids quickly and now you feel tied down and can’t figure out how to get those dreams you once had of launching your own clothing boutique off the ground.
Forget your regrets. Forget the comparisons.
Instead, with an eye to your future, do the things now that will make you happy. It’s never too late to get it all together.
But There Is a Caveat — First, You Must Love Yourself Unconditionally
Most of us love ourselves when we feel we look good, or we achieve success in some way or when we feel we’re being generous, kind or noble – a person of good character.
In other words, we’ve set up standards for loving ourselves. And what happens when we don’t measure up at any given moment is that we feel we no longer merit our own self-love. Our confidence plummets. Our negative self-talk ramps up.
Not only have we thrown up roadblocks to loving ourselves … we’ve set up these same conditions as roadblocks to loving others. Those roadblocks prevent us from applying our unconditional loving energy to others because what we apply to ourselves, we apply to others as well.
And so, when we look at other women and think how remarkable their lives seem, what are we telling ourselves about our own way of being? About how we measure up?
When we love ourselves unconditionally, our energy flows through us unimpeded in harmony. A first step to feeling that you have your ducks in a row or you’ve got your life all together is to learn to value yourself and to love yourself unconditionally. It’s one action you can work on that will lead to the fulfillment of the happy and healthy life that you seek.
Getting It All Together Now
Each one of you reading this post find a mirror, take 5 deep breaths, look at yourself and feel some love. Are you seeing yourself clearly? Are you feeling who you truly are? Do you know yourself – deep down inside — in all honesty? Are you being true to yourself? Can you cut yourself some slack? Do you see that every human being has been created with faults and strengths and on any given day, we may be exhibiting more of one than the other?
Take your time with this exercise.
It will be worth it. Then I’d love it if you commented below.
You see when you love yourself unconditionally, the energy that flows through you, flows through me, too, and creates a connection to everyone else on our planet and to all the other living beings around you.
Let’s work on loving ourselves unconditionally and building our self-worth – that way we’ll elevate our sense of well-being and our sense that we have it all together — at last.
You may also be interested in reading my blog post, Living Your Beautiful Life Fully Expressed.
What a lovely post, Barb. I am very fortunate to have had this lesson reinforced many times as my work with women in crisis set the stage for me to introduce the idea that comparison is the enemy of joy. (I forget who said that.) We talked about the concept in simple terms: comparing our insides to another’s outsides or looking at a highlight real istead of a rehearsal or a backstage past. But the “magic phrase” I use to check myself when I drift? “Everyone’s doing the best they can with what they’ve got — including me!)
Happy you liked my post, Andrea. And oh my, I’m just loving your “magic phrase!” I also like your ideas for putting the concept in simple terms. In fact, I was just watching a youtube guru who revealed his disastrous first attempt at a video for the channel. And I was thinking how I hear many entrepreneurial women talk about their fears of being on video for the first time, and of course, they’re comparing themselves to someone who maybe has been doing video presentations for 10 years! But you’ve said it best when you mentioned that comparison is the enemy of joy. Building our self-worth and helping others to do the same for themselves is a commitment to succeed and to our greater well-being. Thanks so much for commenting!
This post is a ‘get the juices flowing’ to evaluate our limiting beliefs. Do we have it together, or are we herding kittens in a yarn store? One (of the many) powerful statements you share, this one captivated my attention: “In other words, we’ve set up standards for loving ourselves.” That gifts us something deep to ponder. Thanks for sharing your pearls of wisdom and helping us to voice our own about Self, Barb. Life is an amazing adventure.
Life’s an adventure for sure. Much appreciate your kind words. If only we could love ourselves unconditionally — imagine, what then…!